On Gchat… me: Tonic tonight? B: hmmm i really need to do laundry. B: i’m wearing a regular shirt inside out as an undershirt. it has a big plastic logo on the back, which is now on my skin, which is Fing awful. me: so special.
B: Will you get me a beer? Me: Sure. B: Love you, darlin! (He goes in for a cheek kiss) B: Ohhh. Um, sorry I slobbered on you. … Can I still have a beer?
B refuses to get me a glass of wine, citing that I’m closer to the kitchen. (ERRONEOUS!!!) Me: You’re a meanie head. B: Whoa there, don’t say things you can’t take back! There’s small cats in this house, you want them to hear you talking that way?!?
While watching SyFy’s “Merlin”… (yes, we’re nerds, don’t act like this is news.) In the show, Merlin discovers that only a sword bathed in dragon fire will defeat their enemies. Conveniently, Merlin is besties with a dragon, but somehow fails to mention this to his comrades as they struggle in battle. B: Why doesn’t he just tell them, “Hey buddy,...
Me: I love my new iPhone case. Look, it’s white! B: Racist!!!!
B: What are we doing for dinner? Me: I dunno, I’m not starving. Maybe just some soup? B: I‘m not made of money! I can’t just go around buying soup left and right!!!